Write to Derf

Jan 29, 2010

My new hero of the right wing!

I've changed my mind about rightwing, gotcha videographer James O'Keefe, 25, who got busted for posing as a phone technician and trying to bug the the office of Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu.

At first, I cackled heartily at the spectacle of a young conservative douschebag getting hauled off in cuffs when a clumsy set-up went bad, but after thinking about it, naw, we need a decent reactionary comic. Big yuks are not exactly rampant among the up-by-the-bootstraps crowd. That's discounting those that are inadvertently hilarious, ala Pat Robertson. Hell, rightwingers insist Rush is funny! Obviously, their standards need a healthy boost.

O'Keefe has added a much-needed shot of political theater to the conservative set. Here's a funny bit with then-student O'Keefe filing a complaint with officials at Rutgers, alleging that serving Lucky Charms in the dining hall is an affront to Irish-Americans!

Now lefties are ready to tar and feather the guy and stuffy rightwing dicks like Foxnews puffball Bill O'Reilly and GOP nimrod Sen. Mike Johanns (R-Neb.) are wagging bony fingers at him for embarrassing the movement. If those creeps are against O'Keefe, I'M in his corner!

Jan 28, 2010

What the Druck?

I'm fascinated with Rielle Hunter, the former mistress of one-time Democratic rising star John Edwards and mother of his love child.

Her real name is Lisa Druck. She was raised as a rich princess in nouveau riche, Reagan-era Florida. Her dad, the late James Druck, was a sleazy bigbucks lawyer who was the ringleader in the notorious Horse Murder Scandals that rocked the wealthy equestrian community in the early 1990s. The scam involved a horse hitman, Tommy "The Sandman" Burns, who electrocuted horses so their owners could collect the insurance money. One of Burns' first victims was the show horse teenage Lisa-Reille rode, Henry the Hawk. The Sandman electrocuted the animal by attaching electrical wires to its ear and rectum. James Druck died before he was tried for the crimes, which scandalized the horse-farm crowd in the early 1990s.

Lisa-Rielle, by that time, had relocated to Manhattan, where she earned a rep as New York's most out-of-control party girl in the Eighties clubbing-and-cokehead heyday of prep-school yuppiedom. Living on a generous allowance from Daddy, her appetites for drugs and decadence were so extreme, novelist Jay McInerney, who partied with her regularly, modeled the main character in his 1988 book Story of My Life after her. The same character also pops up in B. Easton Ellis' American Psycho. It appears everyone who came in contact with her absolutely loathed her.

Lisa-Rielle then discovered New Age psychobabble, kicked her coke addiction and married a wealthy lawyer, Alexander M. "Kip" Hunter III. She then changed her name to Reille and tried to make it as an actress, landing a couple bit parts. The couple moved to Beverly Hills and Rielle, bankrolled by hubby, started a production company. She dumped hubby in 2000.

She then started a foundation, Being Is Free, dedicated to "higher consciousness."

She met met John Edwards in a NYC bar in 2006 and pitched him the idea of making internet videos of his nascent campaign for the presidency. She began screwing him... presumably that very night... and was hired by Edwards to be the official campaign videographer, much to the alarm of his staff. She was soon knocked up. Why Edwards would be stupid enough, post Monica Lewinsky, to risk everything and get hooked up with this parasite is a mystery. She's hardly a knockout. Just a rather average-looking middle-aged bimbo sporting a big tangle of mall hair. She must deliver one hell of a blowjob! One of Edwards aides claims he has a sex tape the couple made, which he fished out of the trash while cleaning up the love-nest house where Edwards stashed Rielle during the 2008 primary campaign. Any bets on how long before THAT'S available online?

Edwards poor wife has now given him the boot, as the Rightwing Blogosphere cackles in collective glee. But, were it a Republican rising star, the sex scandal would involve not a middle-aged tart, but a teenage boy! OR the horse!

Jan 21, 2010

PUNK ROCK & TRAILER PARKS is again on sale on Amazon for a whopping 30 percent off. If you've been meaning to grab a copy, now is the time! I never know how long these Amazon sales will last, so I wouldn't hesitate. Amazon link is HERE

The Massachusetts Debacle

Congrats to the Democrats, who blew it in a record 12 months. I predicted it would take them until the 2010 midterm elections to boot it, so they surpassed expectations!

I have to say, the cartoonist in me is thrilled to have the GOP back, loonier than ever. I've been scuffling trying to mine the boring Obama regime for the type of rich inspiration that the Cheney-Bush Junta provided on a daily basis. Took all of five minutes, after the winner was declared in Massachusetts, to come up with a good idea.

Sucks for the rest of you who have to live with these clowns mucking things up again, but I'm looking forward the ideas coming fast and furious from here out.

Cartoonists interviews!

For those of you operating under the delusion that cartoonists are interesting, here's the site for you. David Paccia has interviewed over 40 cartoonists on their work habits and the process of creating comics and cartoons. He calls them "cartoonist surveys" and you can find them all at Davewastingpaper.com. There are interviews with John Holmstrom (Punk Magazine) , Shannon Wheeler (Too Much Coffee Man) , Bill Griffith (Zippy), Skip Morrow and dozens of others you may or may not have heard of. Check it out here.

MY interview is here.

A letter

Mr. Backderf,

I was surprised that the links to your other comics for sale (Trashed and the City compilation) took me to Amazon.com... Do you still get the same % of the money if I click on the 'buy used' link, or does that just go to the individual sellers? I'm writing to ask since I'll just hit "buy new" if more of the money's going to you that way! I would've bought the other two at Genghis Con from ya, but I'd neglected to bring enough cash with me! Speaking of, thanks for signing my copy of "Punk Rock..." and the promo poster I brought - it's always great to meet writers/artists/musicians that appreciate their fans! Thanks for being cool (and not charging extra to sign stuff!) I can't help but wonder if your first car was a '68 Cougar like Otto's, though...

Brian S.

That's awful big of you to consider it, but I don't really get a cut either way. The book biz, unless you're selling 500,000 copies or get a big advance, is a mess. The comic book biz is even worse! There ARE no advances and I make but a pittance off royalties. Where I make money off books is at signings and cons. My publisher sends me a generous number free copies and I sell them at list price, so I usually make $500-$1000 at an event.

If push comes to shove, I encourage you to support my publisher and buy direct from Amazon, because that helps him out, both short and long term.

My first car was a 1974 Chevy Vega. Avocado green. With an 8-track tape player!

 

Jan. 4, 2010

Derf in Best American Comics 2010

And no sooner do I bemoan the failure of Punk Rock & Trailer Parks to break out of the comic shops into the mainstream book world (read the Jan 1 post below), do I receive word that it will be included in this year's edition of Best American Comics, a beautiful annual tome published by Houghton-Mifflin!

This year's editor, former comic book scribe and now literary star, Neil Gaiman, tabbed PR&TP. I'm just dork enough to be incredibly flattered that Gaiman just read my book, let alone liked it! They'll be running a long excerpt, almost a full chapter. And it's my favorite chapter, too, the one with Lester Bangs and Joe Strummer and the Clash. Nice choice, Neil!

What a great opportunity to get PR&TP into "proper" bookstores (before Kindle drives them all out of business, of course) and into the hands of people who would, probably wisely, never dream of setting foot in a comix shop.

This is my second appearance in Best American Comics. Editor Lynda Barry picked a selection of The City strips for the 2008 edition.

Best American Comics 2010 will be in stores this Fall.

My Life Sans Car

Winter is here big time on the shores of Lake Erie, with the arrival of a two-day winter storm roaring in from Alberta. And I'm still getting by without a car!

This is Month Five of my grand social experiment: no car. I didn't drive for a couple months after my heart surgery and by the time I could climb into the driver's seat again, entropy had turned my aged but trusty Geo Prizm into a junker. I drove to gas it up, stuck the gas nozzle in, and the next sound I heard was... gas splashing on the ground! Yep, the gas tank had rusted through!

Since I wasn't driving much anyways, I decided to forego the expensive repair and go car-less. I live in a major American city, within walking distance of most things I need, and one block from a train line. What the hell, right?

And for longer trips, I hop on my bike, my beloved 20-year-old Trek 400T. Transport AND physical rehab in one! It's been pretty easy so far, but the year's first Alberta Clipper and a foot of snow changes the equation.

But check out this webcomic I just discovered. Rick Smith is a fellow Clevelander. In fact, he lives just a few blocks away. His comic Yehuda Moon follows the trials and triumphs of a devout bike fanatic. It's very well done and well worth a look.

Two biking cartoonists within blocks of each other. How weird is that? Smith is the real deal. We'll see how well *I* hold up as winter marches on.

Jan 1, 2010

Good Riddance 2009

Worst year of my life, both personally and professionally.

Those who periodically read this drivel know that I almost croaked in June and underwent emergency open-heart surgery. I still haven't recovered from being carved up like a Sunday roast. Lost 20 pounds and am covered with handsome 10-inch incision scars on my chest and on my left arm and both legs, where the surgeons fished out arteries to re-build my heart. But I'm feeling much better. I even started running again, if you can call the pathetic lurch I muster up "running." I can only do a couple blocks running, a couple blocks walking, but hey, it's a start.

As for the cartoon biz, well, it's a mess. The big blow was in January when, out of the blue, Village Voice Media decided to dump all syndicated comics from its 14 papers. Just like that, I lost half my income and my biggest papers. Clearly, weekly papers, like their daily counterparts, are not long for this world. There was a time when I naively believed weekly papers would save newspaper journalism. And then they inexplicably started aping the mistakes of the mainstream press! There are a handful that still do it right, but most have slashed content in the name of short-term profits. Papers should be ADDING content. You want readers? GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO READ! Articles, reviews, columns AND COMICS! How hard is THAT to figure out? I've long been a champion of the weekly press, but lately I just feel depressed and betrayed. And I have no sympathy... zero... for papers that dump cartoons.

So... that was a double-whammy. I was totally out of it, barely able to walk to the bathroom let alone crank out cartoons, just as my business took a nosedive.

The GOOD news in 2009? Well... I'm not dead yet! In the past five years, I've had cancer and major heart surgery, so, yeah, I'm probably not going to be around a whole lot longer. That's ok. I've had a great life. If it ends tomorrow, that's the breaks, and that would suck, but I can't complain too much. Don't worry, I'll squeeze as much out of this lemon Chrysler of a body as I can... and they'll pry the pen out of my cold, dead fingers, that I promise. Besides, I'm determined to out-live both Cheney and Limbaugh! Godammit. I eat well, don't smoke, have been a runner since I was a teenager... there is NO WAY those fat bastards are living longer than me!

And now it's good fucking riddance 2009 and on to 2010! What's in store? Well, I need to find some new revenue streams, that's for damn sure.

THE CITY will hit its 20th anniversary this coming May. That's a milestone I take great pride in. I didn't miss a single week in 2009, despite my medical ordeal. Thank God I had a month of back-ups squirreled away or that wouldn't have been the case. It wasn't my best year. In fact it was a real struggle to squeeze out a strip every week. But I finished strong with some good cartoons. Hopefully I can soon return to top form. It's still an agonizingly slow process to write and draw. It's like someone turned my setting to half speed.

PUNK ROCK & TRAILER PARKS, my most ambitious work to date, came out at the beginning of 2009 and sold decently. I had hopes this would be a breakthrough book for me, but, despite universally terrific reviews and wonderful responses from anyone who read it, that wasn't the case. Despite all my efforts, it remained ghetto-ized in the comic shops and (mostly) in the comix fandom press. The mainstream media ignored it and mainstream bookstores, for the most part, didn't stock it. Very frustrating, especially for a work I'm so damn proud of. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the book biz is in full retreat, just like newspapers. So is the comic book industry! It's like the internet was designed specifically to impoverish cartoonists.

As I've mentioned here, my NEXT book will be a revised and expanded MY FRIEND DAHMER. Despite my troubles, I've managed to crank out about half the book in the last four months. I'm happy with what I've produced, but it's like wading through mud. I just don't know what the hell has happened to my drawing hand! PR&TP was an absolute joy to work on. MFD Redux is anything but. The story probably has something to do with that. It's not a happy tale. I plan on wrapping this thing up by Spring and get it on the shelves by early 2011. This has a chance to be that big seller. It's such a compelling, unique story... and this will be the work I should have made in the first place.

As for all things web-ish, I'll be adding more content to this site in the coming months. I'll be pouring lots of strips into THE CITY archive. I'll also be ramping up the Derf Store. New revenue streams, remember? I'll be setting it up so you can order a high-quality signed print of virtually any strip on the site. Recent originals will also be for sale. And it's time to produce some new t-shirts, too! I'll continue to produce TRASHED: THE WEBCOMIC. The current storyline will wrap up sometime in March, then I'll take a short sabbatical as I introduce ANOTHER web-only feature. More on that later.

A Derf Cartoon Come To Life!

Here's one of my favorite gags, which I've shamelessly re-used several times, the first time in 2004:

Absurd, right? But here in Ohio, heart of the Bible Belt and hotbed of "Intelligent" Design, we have a teacher WHO ACTUALLY DID THIS! Really! Check it out.

..........................................................

THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH: John Freshwater, an eighth-grade science teacher facing dismissal for allegedly preaching in the classroom, is suing the Mount Vernon City School District, saying it violated his constitutional and civil rights.

John Freshwater says the district violated his right to free speech and discriminated against him.

The board announced last June that it intended to fire Freshwater for preaching his Christian beliefs about how the world began, discrediting evolution and deviating from the required science curriculum. An investigation initiated by the board found that Freshwater used a high-voltage lab tool to burn crosses into the arms of students and that he told them gays were sinners.

The board suspended him without pay. A state administrative hearing on the board's plan to fire Freshwater has been conducted on and off since October.

The controversy became public after he refused to remove a Bible from his desk.

..........................................................

I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP!!!!

Now grind all this over in your mind a little bit. Here's a far-right, lobotomized-by-Jesus nutbag who vomited up religious rants in a science class... A SCIENCE CLASS!!... for 11 FRIGGIN YEARS and this podunk school district, despite numerous complaints from administrators and teachers, didn't move to fire his ass until he started burning crosses onto students arms!! They're lucky he didn't start staging crucifixions!

Let me repeat that. The asshole BURNED crosses... ONTO STUDENT'S ARMS! It was only when a parent found out... way back in 2007... and sued, that the board finally yanked Freshwater out of the classroom. Jesus Fucking Christ!

Have we totally lost our damn minds in the hinterlands of this country? Rural Ohio... or Nebraska, or Kansas, or Mississippi, or any state in the union... might as well be rural Afghanistan with religious fanatics stoning anyone who doesn't adhere to scripture. How can this pinhead not be in jail for assault RIGHT NOW? Probably because the local sheriff attends the same church!

Above: John Freshwater (middle) surrounded by Christian Taliban.

Freshwater has YET to be fired, by the way. He's fighting his dismissal tooth and nail with legal maneuvers and lawsuits. Naturally, the far-right creationist crowd has flocked to his defense. These are the creeps who will never rest until they take over the country, folks.

As a cartoonist, this frustrates the hell out of me. No matter HOW I try, no matter how ABSURD I attempt to be, reality matches my imagination, again and again. I can't come up with something more ridiculous than Family Values Mullahs branding students.... and then one of them goes out and does it!

 

Teabagger of the Year

With only a few days left in the year, a single Teabagger finally stood out above the legion of tantrum-throwing douschebag who filled Foxnews broadcasts with their bowel-loosening histrionics over the past year.

Our 2009 Teabagger of the Year is Warren A. "Gator" Taylor , the man accused of holding three people– a postal clerk and two poor saps trying to mail Christmas packages– hostage in a Wytheville, VA, post office.

Taylor is an obese nutjob in a flattop crewcut with a large American flag tattooed on one arm. This "patriot," is described by relatives as a mama's boy with a mean streak. He is also a registered sex offender, convicted of molesting a 16-year-old girl. And in 1993, this valiant, true-blue American ambushed his ex-wife in a parking lot and opened fire on the unarmed woman with one of his beloved handguns, mostly missing but hitting her twice in the leg. He was convicted of attempted second-degree murder and sentenced to 12 years in prison, but got out in four, thanks to those liberal bureaucrats Taylor so detests.

So what set Teabag Taylor off? Why did he launch his one-man war on the US Government?

•Socialist Obamacare. Taylor was so incensed by Obama's victory and the arrival of "socialized medicine" he decided to take up arms against the federal government. Naturally, the fat, wheelchair-bound diabetic is on medical disability courtesy of Social Security, which somehow he does NOT considered socialism.

•Gun rights. Taylor was also whipped into a froth because the liberals are chipping away at his God-given right to bear arms. This, even though Taylor, a convicted pedophile and attempted murderer, had a truck full of guns and ammo, which he had no difficulty acquiring. And for all his devotion to firearms, Taylor is a pathetically inept marksmen. He fired multiple shots at his ex-wife from point-blank range, but only managed to hit her a couple times superficially in the leg.... and opened fire on the postmaster, missing him completely as he fled out of the building. If Taylor is representative of the armed militia that will rise up and overthrow the government, the Left has little to fear. Any such mob of righteous boobs would probably inadvertently mow down more of their own in a hail of friendly fire.

•An inspiration to fellow patriots. Taylor planned to hole up in a federal building for weeks, dominate headlines and newscasts and then die a martyr's death in a blaze of gunfire. After driving around for a day, he couldn't locate a suitable federal building (apparently being unfamiliar with Google and Mapquest... or the phone book) and, since he was getting sleepy, he settled for a suburban post office he chanced upon. His weeks-long siege lasted onlyeight hours. Instead of a heroic death ala white-power Randy Weaver at Ruby Ridge, Taylor threw down his guns and wheeled himself out, hands raised and blubbering for mercy.

Above: In an image that will serve as inspiration to the Teabagger Nation, Warren Taylor, arms raised and weeping, lifts his shirt for a robot jack-booted thug as a horde of cops snicker from a safe distance.

The good news? Both Tennessee, where Taylor resides, and Virginia forbid convicted felons from ever voting again!

So that's one Teabagger crossed off the voting log, a couple million to go!

 

What could be more Rock-n-roll than disco Swedes in tinfoil?

Here in Cleveland, laughably named the Rock-n-Roll Capital of the World, the announcement of the newest induction class for "our" Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame, is always front page news.

This year's class may well be the strangest ever: The Hollies, Jimmy Cliff, Genesis, The Stooges... and Abba.

Those who take this shit seriously will have their mullets in an uproar over the inclusion of Abba. Personally, I love it! The Rock Hall is nothing more than a tax-supported monument to music industry weasels like Rolling Stone's Jann Wenner and the late Ahmet Ertegan of Atlantic Records. Every schlocky hack that gets inducted only reinforces that. Here's hoping the Bay City Rollers make it next year!

My musicdork take? The Stooges, of course, should have been one of the FIRST bands inducted. The Hollies are great Brit-Invasion popmeisters, Jimmy Cliff is awesome and Genesis were prog-rock pioneers. I'm no fan of prog-rock, but ok, let 'em in, even if the vileness of the later hitmaker Genesis stains the groups legacy.

But what's best about this year's class, is that Abba is selected over Kiss! Creepy Gene Simmons wants to be in the Hall soooooooo bad, and the first time his band is nominated, it gets passed over.... by Abba! What could be more fitting? And just?

The only thing that would make it better? If Abba imitates the Sex Pistols and refuses the honor!

Horrendous Fiasco Cartoons!

Here's a great new site from my pal, animator Gav Gnatovich (Heh. And you thought 'Derf' was a weird name!). He just unveiled it and it is simply gorgeous, the talented bastard showoff. I'm gonna have to spruce up my site now. I have a monster case of xhtml envy!

Gav's site is loaded with episodes of his various animation projects: a couple fun pilots that Cartoon Network inexplicably passed on, a collaboration with my comix pal Max Cannon and some hilariously strange addition features. Well worth spending some time perusing the toons. Check it out HERE

Letters

Dear Mr. Derf,

I recently saw your cartoon which fast forwarded to 2019 and you depicted what would happen if the health care bill is defeated. I have another idea for you based on the assumption that healthcare is passed.

You could have Obama declaring he wants abortion to be rare and legal. The next panel would be a Planned Parenthood building in the year 2019 with the signage on the building declaring "abortion on demand thanks to the generous taxpayers in America". The dumpster in the back of the building would be full of fetuses.

Julie Preuninger

That's a laff riot of an idea, Julie!

Sir,

The trash you put in Folio Weekly was really crass. Showing an U.S. Army helicopter being taken down by a shoe is low. I guess that is all a shitty cartoon strip like yours can do. Fourteen American lives were lost a few days ago in a chopper crash. If you hate your country so much go join the Taliban! I am sure they will be happy to cut off your head!

Steve Clack

Derf,

Regarding your rant in Folio...You have it backwards my, community college drop-out friend. YOU...the pinko libs are the crybabies and bed wetters! The question is "How stupid do the socio-libs think the real Americans are?"

Did you happen to notice the almost two million(that's six zeros) demonstrators in D.C. protesting the Magic Negro's Health Care Scam??? How about HOBama trashing America at the U.N.??

I hope you keep putting your moronic commie cartoons in Folio since that makes it even more fun to wipe my ass on it!

Knighttime2

Folio Weekly in Jacksonville FL has the BEST ranters! First time I've been called a bedwetter (am not!) AND threatened with beheading!

Derf,

I'm in Orlando, Fla., for a job interview, and your relevance and prescience suddenly hit home. I just heard a local club trumpeting the weekend's big act, Odyssey Road - a JOURNEY COVER BAND!

If only The Baron was here to save us.

Jim Gaines

Journey itself is a Journey cover band! The lead singer is now this Filipino kid, who indeed fronted an actual Journey cover band, and who imitates Steve Perry even better than the LAST two Steve Perry imitators that fronted the "real" Journey. The rest of the band is all the old geezers. Depressingly, this outfit played here in Cleveland last summer and sold out a 15,000-seat venue! They did a show with Styx, which also has a fake lead singer!

Otto *must* be out there somewhere, still fighting the good fight, probably running an illegal music filesharing website under an alias and dodging recording industry lawyers....

Derf,

Life is beautiful

Peter Kleissner

You'll get no argument from me, especially this year .

Dear Mr. Dorf (sic),

It was most disappointing to note your flagrant misuse of your media priveleges (sic). As an educator, l I subscribe to constructive criticism but "death to the opposition", NO.

Shame on you and please note I didn't adress (sic) you as a swine.

Carol Berube

As an edukater, you sure put me in MY place! .